I know you didn’t really ask to know more about me, but this is my website, so you’re stuck with having to enjoy this experience whether you like it or not. I’m just kidding. Kind of. For the most part.

So yeah, about this writing thing… I started writing in grad school, when I somehow completed and serialized a 500-page Anime fanfic called Nightmares in the Apocalypse. And because I’m sure you can’t tell from the title, it was a very dark story that had lots of death and destruction and happy dreams. No wait, nightmares. It had lots of nightmares. And death.

It was terribly written and embarrassing to even claim, but it was my first novel-length writing, and so I have to embrace it the way Darth Vader has to embrace his previous associations with Jar Jar Binks.

Maybe it was my horror film upbringing; my parents took me to see The Shining, Alien, and The Exorcist when most of my classmates were going to see The Last Unicorn and The Dark Crystal. Which, come to think of it, were kind of dark movies in their own right, so I guess we were all a little screwed up in 80s. Whatever it was, I kept writing dark fiction, culminating in my first novel in 2007, Solstice.

Solstice is, well, not a happy story. But, hey, for fans of apocalyptic, end-of-world fiction, it’s awesome! And in some ways, it could serve as a survival guide for the current catastrophe-in-the-making we’re calling the Trump Presidency. Assuming we all develop the power to turn writing into reality so that we can write ourselves onto another planet just before he blows up this one after China calls him a dick on Twitter.

Fast-forward a year or two later, when, I don’t know, happiness and shit start filtering back into my life. My writing took a decidedly more comedic and lighthearted tone. Some say I sold out my dark, apocalyptic roots, but that’s because they haven’t discovered the joys and oddities of writing in the first person. As a woman. When you’re a man. Which my wife kind of digs. Or not really.

As a result of all this, my new novel, The Perfect Teresa, is to Solstice what, I don’t know, mangoes are to soy beans. I don’t know, I’ve never been good at comparative metaphors, as evidenced by the fact that that’s probably not what they’re even called but I just labeled them that way.

Regardless, The Perfect Teresa is a novel near and dear to my heart because it got me back into writing, and because I took a “who cares if it’s good” attitude when writing it. Which is to say, it’s totally good and you should buy a copy because, totally, it’s good, I was just kidding when I said I didn’t care.

Down the pipeline, I’m even more excited about my next novel, Quality Jones and the Time Keepers, which I completed last November during NaNoWriMo. This novel promises to blow the lid off any preconceptions my wife may have that 1) I’m a dull Capricorn, 2) I’m not that into laughing and shit, and 3) I don’t swear that much. No, really, it’s a zany adventure full of zany characters and it promises to be as irreverent as it is likely to be irrelevant.

 

But, hey, writing is what I love, and it’s what I’ll continue to do. You’ve been warned.

 

You’re here already. Why not buy a book?

It’s what Frodo would have wanted.

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